Bureau of Auditory Surveillance

Audimus Omnia: "We Hear Everything."

Founded 1959, the year everything changed.

Subjects monitored: 1.

Auditory Threat Level

Today: Elevator. Conditions calm. Nobody is paying attention to anything.

▸ Subject has played Chet Baker 4 times today. Analysts are concerned.
▸ Subject hummed along. Off key. Logged.
▸ Subject claims to "only be here for the bass solo." Unverified.
▸ Subject skipped the intro. Again. A file has been opened.
▸ Subject said "one more song" at 11:40 p.m. It was not one more song.
▸ Subject turned it up for "the good part." The good part was the whole song.
▸ Subject paused to say "listen to this." Nobody else was in the room.
▸ Subject added forty albums to a list and played none of them. Pattern noted.
▸ Subject described a drum fill as "criminal." Referred to Legal.
▸ Subject has read the liner notes. Voluntarily. Concern elevated.
▸ Subject tapped along on the steering wheel. The wheel has been questioned.
▸ Subject said "this is the original" about a reissue. Fact-checkers dispatched.
▸ Subject has opinions about pressings. Strong ones. Please stand back.
▸ Subject pretended to know the saxophonist. The Bureau knows.
▸ Subject was seen air-conducting in a parked car. No further action.
▸ Subject listened to the same record three days running. Welfare check scheduled.
▸ Subject answered "what's this?" with a full discography. The asker has left.
▸ Subject has forgiven the album for track nine. Provisionally.
▸ Subject expressed surprise that a song is "that old." The Bureau is not surprised.
▸ Subject went in for one track and left with a deep dive. The Bureau saw it coming.

▸ Subject has played Chet Baker 4 times today. Analysts are concerned.
▸ Subject hummed along. Off key. Logged.
▸ Subject claims to "only be here for the bass solo." Unverified.
▸ Subject skipped the intro. Again. A file has been opened.
▸ Subject said "one more song" at 11:40 p.m. It was not one more song.
▸ Subject turned it up for "the good part." The good part was the whole song.
▸ Subject paused to say "listen to this." Nobody else was in the room.
▸ Subject added forty albums to a list and played none of them. Pattern noted.
▸ Subject described a drum fill as "criminal." Referred to Legal.
▸ Subject has read the liner notes. Voluntarily. Concern elevated.
▸ Subject tapped along on the steering wheel. The wheel has been questioned.
▸ Subject said "this is the original" about a reissue. Fact-checkers dispatched.
▸ Subject has opinions about pressings. Strong ones. Please stand back.
▸ Subject pretended to know the saxophonist. The Bureau knows.
▸ Subject was seen air-conducting in a parked car. No further action.
▸ Subject listened to the same record three days running. Welfare check scheduled.
▸ Subject answered "what's this?" with a full discography. The asker has left.
▸ Subject has forgiven the album for track nine. Provisionally.
▸ Subject expressed surprise that a song is "that old." The Bureau is not surprised.
▸ Subject went in for one track and left with a deep dive. The Bureau saw it coming.

Advisory 26-35 In force

Skipping to the last track to see how it ends is not listening. It is reading ahead, and we noticed.

File no. 0001 Restricted

Subject: 1
Name: xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Known habits: Replays the good part. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Last seen: xxxxxxxxxxxx , humming.
Assessment: Harmless. Thorough. Under observation. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Some details are withheld in the interest of the subject, and of the Bureau's dignity.

Authorised personnel only. All others are, regrettably, also monitored.