Senior Liner Note Analyst
Read the small print on the back of the sleeve and report what the producer's third cousin contributed.
Requirements
- Eyes
- A magnifying glass, ideally ours
- A willingness to read the credits twice
Careers
The Bureau is always hiring. The Bureau is not accepting applications.
Vinyl Crackle Interpreter
Distinguish a pop from a click from a rumble, and say, in writing, which one it was.
Requirements
- Excellent hearing, or a very good imagination
- Patience in the lead-in groove
- No sudden movements near the turntable
Junior Dead Wax Examiner
Study the matrix numbers etched near the label, and decide what they are trying to say.
Requirements
- Must be able to identify a Blue Note pressing by smell
- A desk lamp
- Discretion about what the numbers said
Shuffle Auditor
Review the order songs arrive, and determine whether it was random, or merely cruel.
Requirements
- A grasp of probability
- The ability to say "that is not random" calmly
- Thick skin
Chief of Encore Affairs
Determine whether the band was really going to leave the stage, and who they thought they were fooling.
Requirements
- Experience with stage doors
- A good sense of timing
- Clapping, sustained
Volume Standards Officer
Visit the knob. Assess the knob. Report back on how far the knob has been turned and by whom.
Requirements
- Steady hands
- Ear protection (supplied)
- No fear of the phrase "just this bit"
No applications are accepted. Please do not apply. We have noted that you considered it.