What does the Bureau do with what it hears?

It catalogues it, and judges it gently.

How do I contact the Bureau?

You can't. The Bureau will contact you, and may already have.

Questions the public asks. Answers the Bureau gives.

Am I being monitored?: No. Only Subject 1.
How do I become a subject?: You don't.
Is this a real government agency?: Please stop calling.
Can I see my file?: You don't have one. Subject 1 does, and it is long.
Who is Subject 1?: That information is classified.
What does the Bureau do with what it hears?: It catalogues it, and judges it gently.
Does the Bureau take requests?: No. The Bureau takes notes.
How do I contact the Bureau?: You can't. The Bureau will contact you, and may already have.