Subject played "My Funny Valentine" eleven times. It is not February.
Office of Repeat Listening
Field Reports
Numbered case files from the field. Names have been withheld, mostly because we only have the one.
Subject began an album, abandoned it at track 3, and has not spoken of it since.
Department of Unfinished Albums
Subject skipped forty-one tracks in search of "the right one," then played the first one again.
Division of Questionable Shuffle Decisions
Subject turned the volume up "just for this bit" nine times in a single song. The bit was the whole song.
Office of Volume Standards
Subject was observed reading liner notes aloud to a person who had not asked.
Bureau of Liner Notes
Subject flipped the record at the exact moment the side ended. Witnesses applauded. The Bureau did not.
Section of Vinyl Affairs
Subject declared an album "perfect," then listed four reservations.
Office of Repeat Listening
Subject has been "about to listen to the whole thing" since the spring.
Department of Unfinished Albums
Subject listened to a live album and complained about the crowd. The crowd was the point.
Bureau of Liner Notes
Subject queued "something quiet" and was found forty minutes later reorganising the shelves.
Office of Volume Standards
Subject returned to an album last played years ago and said "I forgot how good this was." The Bureau did not forget.
Office of Repeat Listening
Subject waited for the end of a hidden track. There was no hidden track. Subject waited another minute.
Division of Questionable Shuffle Decisions