Tracks anyone who plays the same song again, and asks why, and does not accept the answer.
Mission Statement
To monitor, catalogue, and gently judge.
Since 1959, the Bureau of Auditory Surveillance has listened so that others did not have to. We do not collect your records. We do not tell you what to play. We watch, we write it down, and we say nothing, at length.
The Bureau is guided by a simple principle: everything that has ever been played was played by someone, and that someone should be asked about it.
What the Bureau believes
- Vigilance. The needle is always down somewhere.
- Discretion. We never reveal what we hear. We only imply it, in writing.
- Gentleness. Judgement should be delivered softly, like a brush on a snare.
Organisation chart
Office of the Director (vacant since 1961)
-
Office of Repeat Listening -
Department of Unfinished Albums Keeps the files on everything started and not finished. The filing cabinets are very full.
-
Division of Questionable Shuffle Decisions Reviews the order in which songs arrive, and who is to blame.
-
Bureau of Liner Notes Reads the small print on the back of the sleeve so the public does not have to.
-
Section of Vinyl Affairs Monitors crackle, warp, and the moment the record ends and somebody has to get up.
-
Office of Volume Standards Investigates the phrase "just this bit," and the knob.